The Truth About Love
by writergirl96
Summary: What happens when you end up with your second choice? What happens when the one you love leaves you absolutely alone? And what happens when he comes back...?
1. Chapter 1

Preface

What happens when you end up with your second choice? What happens when the one that you love, the one that you gave all of the little pieces of yourself to, runs off and leaves you empty-handed? What happens when the person that you love second-best, the person who was always runner-up comes in and looks you in the eye and accepts that he will never be all that you need. Is it fair to be with him? Is it fair to take his hand and place it firmly in your own? Even when you still cry yourself to sleep every night over the other boy that stole your heart? Stole it, left, and forgot to give it back.

What do you do then?

Everyone always talks about Prince Charming. Your one and only. The one person that you will love more than the rest. The one person who will sweep you off your feet and carry you into your happily-ever-after. I'm not stupid. Or at least I didn't think that I was. I knew that Edward and I couldn't have forever. I knew that I wasn't, and would never be enough to hold him. But I still had been virtually unprepared when he left me there in the forest. When he told me that he did not love me. That I was no good for him.

_It will be as if I never existed. _

And so far, it had. He hadn't contacted me, he hadn't shown up, he had kept all of his family members from doing so too. He had kept up his end of the bargain, if you didn't include my shattered heart. If you didn't include my crazy hallucinations, the hole in the very center of my being. The way that I was always wrapping my arms around myself to hold myself together, to keep from everyone having to see me laying here, shattered.

Because he was in my every thought, my every move, my every breath. He was always there, making sure that I was still thinking about him, making sure that I was always trying to hold myself together, making sure that I could never breathe right.

He was always there. Even when he wasn't.


	2. Last Chance

Chapter One

Last Chance

It had become sort of a ritual by this point.

Every night I would start cooking supper around five so that it would be ready by the time that my dad got home at six. And every night, Jacob would come over around quarter to five, acting like he was surprised that I was cooking, like he didn't want to intrude, mention he was hungry and then I would ask him to stay. And then him and Charlie would camp out on the couch while I cleaned up and then I would sit and do homework while they watched the game. Jacob would decide around ten that it was time to go home so I would walk him to his truck and I knew that every night he was getting closer to kissing me.

I could tell by the way that he would hold his hand warm in my own as we made our way out in the damp night. I could tell by the way that he wrapped himself around me and slowly pulled away. I could tell by the way that his face would slowly brush mine and he would curve his lips in just so that they would be just inches from mine. I knew that he was waiting for me to make the next move, that he was waiting for me to say it's all right, to tell him that I was ready for this.

I was not ready for this.

I knew that I wasn't ready for this. I knew by the way that the hole in my chest was still gaping open, no sense of closure anywhere in sight. I knew that I wasn't ready for this by the way that I craved my hallucinations, by the way the relief that I felt when I could finally hear His voice in my mind.

But Jacob Black was my best friend. I needed him. Not like I had needed Edward. I would never need or want or love anything again in my life the way that I had loved and wanted and needed him. I could never let my heart take that much risk again. I knew that I wouldn't come back from it this time.

"What are we doing, Bella?" His familiar husky voice rumbled in my ear as I gently pulled away from him.

"What do you mean?" I knew what he meant but I was trying to stall.

I could hear the birds rustling in the trees above us, I could feel the light rain against my face, the water beneath my shoes. I could hear the faint echo of the game from inside the house, feel the weight and the warmth of Jacob's hand in my own. I could see Mrs. Weston driving by, looking curiously upon us. But I focused on Jacob's intent face, knowing what he wanted from me, not knowing how to give it to him.

He ran his fingers along the length of my face, sighing deeply. "You know what I want, Bella." I couldn't help it, I turned my face away from him then, biting my lip. He sighed again.

I didn't know how to say this to him, to explain to him the condition that my heart was in. I didn't know how to tell him about Edward and me. I knew that if we were going to make this work, I would have to tell him everything. And I wasn't totally sure that I could do that.

"Bella, talk to me. Tell me what your thinking."

When he said that, it made me think of Edward. I couldn't count the thousands of times that Edward had turned to me and voiced that very same question. Because I was the one person that he couldn't hear. And I was grateful now that Jacob couldn't hear what I was thinking now, or ever. I knew how badly it would hurt him if he knew how often my thoughts were about Edward.

"Jake," I paused, "You know I love you, right?" I stared into his dark brown eyes and saw what I needed to continue. "You're my best friend and I would be lost without you. And yes, I know what you want from me. And I want to give it to you. But it's all broken. All of it and I don't know how to give it to you and I still don't know if I am ready for this. I'm still so lost."

"Bella, he isn't coming back." Jacob's voice broke through the night with surprising sharpness even though his tone was gentle.

"Don't you think I know that?" I shoved away from him, pressing my hands against his huge chest and pushing for all I was worth. He hardly moved and that only infuriated me more. "Damn it, Jacob. Don't you think that I know that by now? Don't you think that I live with that every damn day?"

"It's been six months." He said, his voice growing louder now.

"I know exactly how long it's been."

"Look," he said, reaching for me. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just meant to tell you that I love you and I think that you deserve better than he has given you. You're too good to just let go, Bella."

I rested my forehead against his chest, taking deep breaths into my torn lungs. "I know, Jake. It's just really hard."

"I know, honey." He wrapped his arms around me and I let myself fall into him because it was either that or the sidewalk. I could feel my legs like jelly beneath me, my heart racing and my stomach twisting up. Same as always whenever Edward came up. Talking about him this specifically was known to have consequences. "Look, we'll take the bikes out tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"I have to work tomorrow, Jake."

"I'll come over tomorrow night and we'll watch a movie or something."

I shook my head. "I've got a ton of studying to do. I'll call you."

"Is this the whole don't-call-me-I'll-call-you thing? Because if it is, I want to know."

"No, Jake, it's just me telling you that I'm busy and I have a lot I need to think about. I will call you soon though. Maybe we can take the bikes out this weekend?"

He nodded, but I could see the pain in his face. It was as evident as the pain always was on mine.

"Jake, I'm so sorry. I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't."

"It's not that easy, Jake." I ran my fingers through my dark tresses, watching as he started to walk away from me.

"Actually, it is."

I didn't know how to be like him. I didn't know how to lay my heart on the line. I didn't know how to be so honest about my pain, about everything that was going on with inside my head and my heart. But once you've been burned as badly as I have some things are just impossible.

I walked back inside the house and was surprised to see Charlie leaning against the entry door.

"Hey, Dad."

"I think that we need to have a talk." Charlie was never the one for talks. I knew this wasn't going to be fun.

"Dad, I'm tired. I think I'm just going to go up to bed. Can we talk in the morning?"

"We could," he said and just when I was thinking that I temporarily off the hook, he put his arm out to stop me. "But we're going to talk now."

I went into the living room where he told me to have a seat.

"I know that you haven't had the easiest of time with things lately and I wanted to talk to you about that. Sweetheart, I remember when your mother took you and left. I thought that I was going to die it hurt so bad. I never imagined that I would ever be okay without her. That was eighteen years ago and I can honestly say that I am happy. I just want you to know that you can be happy without him."

I could feel the hole in my chest thrusting itself open now. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself and prayed for this conversation to just be over. "Dad-"

"Jacob cares about you, honey. He cares about you a lot and I would hate to see you let him walk away without really thinking about it. Without giving it your best shot. If it doesn't work out then that's fine but he deserves more than your giving him. "

"I'm giving him all that I can, Dad. I can't give anymore."

It had been six months since Edward left. I had cried more in the past six months than I had in eighteen years. I had woken up a hundred nights from the sound of my own screams at the blank nothingness that always stole it's way into my dreams. My father had been there for all of this and although I am sure that there were many times that he tried to hold me, I knew that I hadn't let him.

But I let him hold me now. And I let him see my tears.

*

The worst part, by far, about losing Edward was remembering what was and knowing what never will be again. It was thinking that the best part of my life was already behind me. And I was only eighteen years old. It was remembering how his cold hand felt in mine and how his lips moved against mine. Remembering the way that he used to mesmerize me with just a look.

I had managed to stop the tears that my father started and make it up to my room before I broke down again. I was an expert at the silent cry but tonight I just didn't have it in me to be quiet. I let myself fall to the floor and I curled up into my protective position and I just lost it.

And if I hadn't been crying so hard right then I would have laughed at him, at his words that cold night.

_It will be as if I never existed. _

*

It was morning. It was a pearl gray morning and it was exactly like the rest. I laid in my bed, listening to my father rummaging around downstairs. I knew that he would be expecting me downstairs in a minute but I just couldn't get up yet.

Last night's crying jag had left me empty. I felt like a bomb could go off right next to me and I wouldn't even notice. I grabbed a clump of sheets in my hand and prepared myself. I knew that now would be the best time to think about him, to go over all of our memories, to pull out his features so that I could more closely examine them. I took in a deep breath and I let myself go.

"_I love Saturdays." I said, tightening my arms around his steel frame. _

"_And why's that?" his musical voice was in my ear and I could feel his cool breath against my cheek. I shivered against him, enjoying all of the sensations he brought to me. _

"_Because I can hold you all day long." I was always scared to say stuff like this to him. I was scared that I would say too much and that he would leave. But he kept assuring me that that would never happen. That he would never grow tired of me. How little we both knew._

"_I could hold you forever, Bella." He sighed into my hair._

"_Forever?" I remember his face so perfectly right then, the way that his bronze hair fell slightly onto his face. His eyes were golden amber that day and the color is still so vivid in my mind. _

"_Forever." He said and then he sealed it with a kiss. _

It was stupid of me to summon his memories like this. It was best if I just kept them tucked away where they belong. But he was fading. I knew that he was. It was getting harder for me to remember the exact shape of his face, the exact way that his arms fit around me. The way that he used to look at me. It was all fading. And I wanted it so bad.

"Bells?"

I looked up to see my father in the doorway of my bedroom. He gasped a little when he saw the look on my face and I struggled to sit up straighter, to breathe.

"Yes?"

"I was thinking about pulling you out of school today. I was thinking that we could spend the day in Port Angeles. There's a ton of things that we need around the house and it's been awhile since you and I have done something together. I was thinking that we could catch a flick and get some dinner. What do you say?"

I ran my fingers through my long, dark hair and smiled at him. Or tried to. "Yeah, sure, Dad. That sounds great. Just let me shower and I'll be right down."

He grinned back at me, seeming relieved. "See you in a few, kid."

I wondered what he was thinking now, as he headed down those stairs. I wondered if he was hating Edward, if he was remembering all of the times that he had walked into my room and seen that exact same expression on my face. It was only recently that I had started living again. And sometimes, times like this morning and last night, that I felt like I was just treading water. Getting nowhere, having nowhere to go.

Was I suppose to keep pushing myself further and further, till eventually I could think of him and it wouldn't hurt? Could that ever happen? Somehow, it felt like I'd be loosing him more than I already had if I ever got to that point. My pain was a memory of how great our love had been. It was reminder of a hundred days spent in his arms, the sound of his voice in my ear telling me he loved me. Some days my pain seemed worth it.

I threw my legs over the side of my bed and grabbed my bag of toiletries and a pair of jeans and a warm sweatshirt. I made my way to the bathroom, hearing Charlie downstairs, catching up on the Sports Replay, as if he had ever missed anything.

I washed my long hair, considered cutting it just for something different, conditioned it, shaved my underarms and legs and then I just sat under the hot spray for a moment. I pushed my face up into the water and tried not to think for just a few seconds. I just wanted to sit here, under the spray, and enjoy the moment.

But I couldn't.

I was worrying about Jacob now, wondering what he was doing now, what he was thinking. I was wondering if he was sad. Maybe I would call him later…

But then I wondered if I should. It wouldn't change anything. It would be best for Jacob to be done with me, cold turkey. Just like I'd had to do with Edward.

*


End file.
